Posted on 2007.06.26 at 04:44
Current Location: hump of chastity
Current Mood: 
naive
Current Music: jettison sister
i wish that being in seattle was a grand and ceaselessly enthralling adventure.
instead it's just a calm, gentle, and cleansing experience. a transition like tide.
i feel like i'm getting closer to the person i want to be but not filling my days with epic stories. i'm a gigantic bore.
next month, i try as hard as i can to get to santa cruz. i heard that there's a train that rides slow enough for dogs to jump on. but then how do i explain to my mother how i got there? and does it even matter at this point?
anyhow, i move into a big house with a lot of boys(all boys?)in august. hopefully that will go smoothly. but when does everything ever align? i still need to figure out what energy i'm forgetting to harness that leads to everything i want never culminating correctly.
the house that i'm moving into is going to be in seattle. i decided that it wouldn't be as temporary as i had originally perceived. goodbye, northeast. your smart wit and colorful autumn will be missed.
i really hope that i haven't talked myself into thinking this is a good idea because of potential i see in a singular person. i'd like to believe that that's something i'd never do.
but let's face it, it's exactly what i'd do all the time and with almost no second thought.
left coast, treat me right. that's a wish, hope, and prayer.
namaste, y'all.
Posted on 2007.06.01 at 05:36
Current Location: art table
Current Mood: 
food coma
Current Music: finntroll
i live in seattle now. it's temporary.
where would we be if we didn't run away? i guess we'd still be inside the womb.
Posted on 2007.03.26 at 10:54
Current Location: kitchen
Current Music: the cranberries
every once in awhile, you see your life going in all the directions that you'd like to see it go.
an interest that could turn into an obssession, a sudden reinterest in reading and writing, a person that inspires, unrelenting, unbreakable friendships, a few weeks in another place to find clarity, and a new home that could become a place to flourish instead of an environment that disgusts and stifles.
you get so high on how well things are going that you forget how easily they can all fall apart.
and then the person that inspired you turns out to have been interested in only what you had to offer physically. your new home turns into a money pit and a fallacy. your few weeks away shrank under the light of responsibility until they finally disappeared altogether.
and these disappointments make you turn inward and see that maybe your new interest isn't plausible and now you'll never have the space to pursue it. and that you've taken a hiatus from your life under the delusion that you were going to use the empty time to make something of yourself and take yourself away, but accomplished neither.
everything has fallen apart and i've lost so much time being nothing. for all intensive purposes, i don't exist.
i'm so shitty that i just wasted time pretentiously writing about myself in the second person. fuck. fuck. fuck.
Posted on 2007.03.17 at 14:34
Current Location: tamara's room
Current Mood: 
bored
Current Music: jack rose
i just wanted to say that a lot of the reason i still have a livejournal is to be able to read posts by salma mirza and sarah welch.
am i creepy? maybe.
Posted on 2007.03.08 at 11:20
Current Location: gore kitchen
Current Mood: 
psyched.
Current Music: lil troy
just roll down the windows and let the wind blow back your hair.
Posted on 2007.03.05 at 18:26
Current Location: tamara's room
Current Mood: 
accomplished
Current Music: meneguar
i once heard that men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses.
this weekend, i used the scientific method to disprove this observation.
conclusion: girls who wear glasses have more fun.
mixing cliches is the only way to make life decisions.
Posted on 2007.02.09 at 20:14
Current Mood: 
confused
Current Music: teenage jesus and the jerks
you really cannot trust anyone. people who barely know me are flapping their tongues.
i am also totally crazy and i have the most bizarre moodswings.
half the time, none of what i think is even true.
well, at least if i lose myself to paranoid delusion, my brother and i can stick together forever.
those of you who spoke to me regularly before january, remember how psyched on life i was?
remember how i have a tattoo that says "fun"? what happened?!
Posted on 2007.02.07 at 03:04
Current Mood: 
terrible
i want to go home. i've been in buffalo for a month.
and i know i should go see nik in toronto because i love him so much.
i know i should spend time with people here who i haven't really seen.
i know i had a zillion plans on how to better myself in small ways by the time i went back to new york.
but this is driving me fucking crazy. everything with the house is a mess.
i have no job. i don't know where i stand with anyone.
and i just feel like i'm going to cry all the time when i'm here.
i just want to go home so he can break up with me and i can take back all of my shit and we can stop playing this stupid game. i just want it over with. fuck you and your stupid bullshit.
all i needed was for someone to care that my brother is a mess and i have no idea how to deal with that. not someone to treat me like shit after i did so much for them.
absence makes the heart grow fonder? everyone is fucking crazy.
Posted on 2006.11.03 at 00:49
Current Location: jess's kitchen
Current Mood: 
calm
Current Music: akron/family
i recently realized that all i want to do is sit in my room surrounded by lit candles and listen to bright black morning light and teasingly talk about serious things with someone that's way too old for me.
or just lie in my bed warm and alone. and golden color pallettes.
i really am the hippie problem.
Posted on 2006.10.01 at 15:44
Current Location: sewing room
Current Mood: 
down
Current Music: bob dylan
i'm really sick. and my feelings are really hurt.
to fix these two things, i've retreated to buffalo until further notice.
and by "buffalo", i mean the basement of my house.
call my house if you want, 7168763887.
**i really want to know why you think it's a good idea to just not talk to me.
but fuck you.
you're the worst.
who knows why i think so highly of you anyway.
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